yoga saved my life.

the first time i did yoga was with my roommates/best friends in our living room out of an old manual from the 80's with a man in a diaper on the front. the next day i told the guy i had a crush on about it and how sore i was. "ya, duh. yoga is hard," he said.

a few years later, my dad's wife took me to a hot yoga class in new hampshire and i loved it. i wanted to keep doing it but didn't know how  or where to do it back in utah. i searched high and low for the manual with the diaper guy on it but couldn't find it, so i settled for another book. i found myself teaching myself and my roommate in our living room again. then i graduated and slovakia happened and i forgot all about it.

three years ago yoga came back into my life and it saved me. i was in an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship (i'm not going to talk about him, that's not the point). i went to the yoga underground in provo with a friend on a whim and the second class was over i knew it was something i wanted in my life and something i wanted to teach others. the movement, the breath, the connection between body and spirit and mind was what i had been unknowingly craving. it was an escape and a safe haven and an adventure all rolled up into one. it was the answer to my prayers. that day i signed up for a monthly pass and i immediately began practicing 3-4 times a week (despite not knowing what the heck they were saying, something i quickly learned) and later signed up for teacher training. i've now been teaching for over two years and practice 4-6 times a week.

people's misconception of yoga is that you have to be flexible. you don't. that's something you can learn. along with how to do the "victorious" or "ujjayi" breath (deep, constricted breathing in and out through your nose) and how to meditate and be still. my body is becoming stronger and stronger and the thing about yoga is it is a mental and physical practice. i set goals--to conquer my mind, to stop being scared of falling, to not compare myself. i take those goals off the mat and into my everyday life and everyday i get a little bit better, sometimes a few steps forward and one step back but that's ok because i'm doing it. i set goals, poses to work toward, and i surprise myself when i accomplish them. a lot of it is about fear and there's almost no better feeling than conquering your fears.

yoga saved my life. over the years it has connected me to some of the best people. it has made me stronger--i bend but i do not break. it has taught me stillness. it has taught me my worth (though sometimes i forget). it has taught me the importance of breathing. it has made me more peaceful, calm, and loving (even a male co worker pointed this out to me about two years ago). if you're open to it, yoga can save you too.